I Didn’t Lose Myself

This year, with our kids’ ages, I have felt more myself than I have in 9 years.

The past years have felt like a blur. At one point I had 3 kids 3 and under and it was like I was off to the races but the races never seemed to end.

Every day, every year, brought new challenges and new demands. Yes, times of incredible joy and memories I would never exchange. But if I’m honest, motherhood has been the hardest thing I have ever done.

And as I was reflecting on these past child rearing years, I felt what the world so often says to mothers – I was about to say, “I lost myself”.

But then in my heart I sensed a message that rings more true. A message that is much more accurate to my experience:

I didn’t lose myself, I gave of myself.

You see, I’ve still been here.

I just made a conscious choice to give of myself these past years.

And when the demands are high (and they are high with littles) it requires so much.

So much energy. So much time. So much emotional strength.

But now that my kids are getting older, I can already feel these demands changing. The roles changing. I am not needed in the same ways I have been these last intense years.

Yes, I am still very much in the thick of it, but as my kids age I’m feeling more myself than I have in a while.

I’ve listened to more music. I’ve read more books. I’ve traveled alone more. I make less breakfasts and lunches. It’s been glorious.

So dear friends, especially those of you with young ones, know that you’re still in there.

You’re not lost.

You’ve just chosen to give of yourself in a season when the needs and demands are very high.

I don’t believe you will ever regret making this choice. To lean into this calling and sacrifice yourself to raise and love these babies.

Keep on going.

One diaper at a time. One nursing/bottle session after another. One more PBJ. One more bandaid with a kiss.

You’re giving of yourself and it’s such a beautiful thing!