Family

Categories: Emotions, Family, Motherhood

I Didn’t Lose Myself

This year, with our kids’ ages, I have felt more myself than I have in 9 years.

The past years have felt like a blur. At one point I had 3 kids 3 and under and it was like I was off to the races but the races never seemed to end.

Every day, every year, brought new challenges and new demands. Yes, times of incredible joy and memories I would never exchange. But if I’m honest, motherhood has been the hardest thing I have ever done.

And as I was reflecting on these past child rearing years, I felt what the world so often says to mothers – I was about to say, “I lost myself”.

But then in my heart I sensed a message that rings more true. A message that is much more accurate to my experience:

I didn’t lose myself, I gave of myself.

You see, I’ve still been here.

I just made a conscious choice to give of myself these past years.

And when the demands are high (and they are high with littles) it requires so much.

So much energy. So much time. So much emotional strength.

But now that my kids are getting older, I can already feel these demands changing. The roles changing. I am not needed in the same ways I have been these last intense years.

Yes, I am still very much in the thick of it, but as my kids age I’m feeling more myself than I have in a while.

I’ve listened to more music. I’ve read more books. I’ve traveled alone more. I make less breakfasts and lunches. It’s been glorious.

So dear friends, especially those of you with young ones, know that you’re still in there.

You’re not lost.

You’ve just chosen to give of yourself in a season when the needs and demands are very high.

I don’t believe you will ever regret making this choice. To lean into this calling and sacrifice yourself to raise and love these babies.

Keep on going.

One diaper at a time. One nursing/bottle session after another. One more PBJ. One more bandaid with a kiss.

You’re giving of yourself and it’s such a beautiful thing!

Categories: Family, Homeschool, Motherhood

Simplifying Our Schedules

I was asked to give a talk to our mom’s group at my church about simplifying our schedules and it was a great opportunity for me to process and put into words some things we’ve been learning as a family over the years. Listen to the video below to hear some of my thoughts on simplicity, family values, rest and how to prioritize what’s most important to us!

Categories: Emotions, Family, Homeschool, Motherhood

4 Steps to Help Your Child When They Meltdown

As a homeschooling mom (or parent in general) I encounter hundreds of meltdowns between my 3 kids and if I’m honest, it is EXHAUSTING.

Over the years I realized that I didn’t like how I reacted when my kids would meltdown. I felt like I couldn’t meet them emotionally, and in fact I would shutdown and disconnect, just hoping the screaming or crying would stop. I wasn’t able to help them healthily deal with their emotions.

If you’d like to hear a method for how to engage compassionately with your kids when they meltdown (which I have found actually calms and addresses the meltdowns more effectively) watch this video where I break it all down into 4 steps.

As mentioned in this video, here is the link to get the PDF that details out this method for those who are more visual or would like something you can print and revisit.

Download PDF : 4 Steps to Help Your Child When They Meltdown

Here’s our life/parent coach Amy Ferrell’s email. You can email her directly or message me and I can give more details about who she is and what our times with her have looked like. She’s gold!

Email : amyferrellpwp@comcast.net

I hope this will be as helpful for you as it has been for me! Connecting with our kids and their strong emotions is so valuable and worth the effort!

Feel free to reach out with any questions or thoughts you have, and subscribe if you’d like to be notified of new posts!

Categories: Family, Homeschool, Motherhood

A Day in the Life of a Homeschool Mom

Let me show you what a typical day of homeschooling looks like for us! As with all days and weeks, know that this is reflective of one of our best days (only showing our 5 second highlight reels!) and that we have our fair share of ups and downs just like any other family. We had a lot of fun putting this together – I hope you enjoy seeing our day unfold!

Categories: Family, Motherhood

When The Growing Gets Tough

I’ve only been parenting for 7 years, so in many ways I still very much feel like a beginner. But as the years have gone on, I’ve sensed some patterns that have caused me to pause and reflect.

With kids, everything is constantly changing and evolving. As soon as you feel like you’ve figured one thing out, they decide to keep growing up and you have to adjust to their next phase.

I can remember little things, like all the sleep training. We’d get in a rhythm and I’d feel like we figured nap schedules out and the next week a new challenge would surface like their ability to roll over or stand up or eventually crawl out of the crib that kept them so safely contained.

Now as our kids are slowly (or is it rapidly?) exiting the toddler phase, I’ve begun to notice that over the years we seem to routinely hit times of frustration. Tensions and frictions that emerge and hold my mind’s attention.

It may start off slow and unnoticed, but as time goes on it builds until it is “the thing” we are talking about and trying to figure out how to handle – our current parenting puzzle that needs solving.

In past times I would just sit in the frustration of the trial and feel hopeless.

Like, “Well this is really hard and I feel defeated. I really think she’ll grow up and always scream in car rides. Forever. Even when we make the drive to drop her off at college she’ll probably still be screaming.”

And I’d just wallow and assume that things will always stay the same in the hardness of that situation.

But as this pattern has been emerging, I’ve been trying to train myself to look at these tensions, these friction points in parenting, through a new lens.

A counselor of mine had shared one time that when kids start to push back or you feel their little wills come out again and again, they may be at a place where it’s time to give more freedoms. That’s their way of showing you they’re ready for more choices, more autonomy.

We are raising them to one day be fully independent so it makes sense that over time we would need to be expanding their territories of freedom.

I’m just never really good at knowing when those times have arrived.

So I’m starting to realize the pattern of how these growth spurts show me when it’s time to give more freedom.

Now when I sense a tension or friction point, something that we continue to feel like we’re beating our heads against a wall again and again and again, I try to look at it as a lesson to learn rather than a circumstance to feel discouraged in.

It’s a growing pain.

And these growing pains show me we are not hopeless with a hard situation, but that the difficulty I’m feeling might actually be the introduction of our next phase with that particular child.

Where I’m usually tempted to throw my hands up and assume things will always be difficult, I’m trying to train myself to remember the friction might be our indicator that growth is around the corner.

When I realize the thing that’s causing us parenting woes might actually be a spotlight guiding us to our next stage with this child, it is such a welcomed tension and becomes a hope-filled situation.

Perspective is everything isn’t it?

When I view these (not so) little road bumps as the beginnings of a growth spurt, it has been so helpful.

I am quicker to ask questions like, “What is God doing here? What is at the root of this tension? Do you think this kickback/attitude/frustration we are experiencing could be a friction point indicating she’s ready (and hungry) for more freedoms and choices? What things can we do to loosen our grip and give the next level of growth for her?”

I’ve usually found when my thinking changes to question asking instead of feeling dismay, oftentimes there are solutions on the horizon that can be implemented and the tensions then slowly transition.

That is, until the next one arises.

Oh parenting. You are so good at throwing curve balls!

Raising kids is always a learning process and has easily been one of the most humbling things I’ve ever done.

Have you experienced a similar pattern where you feel something becomes difficult until growth happens and then it settles into its new stage? Any tips you’ve learned for navigating these growing pains?

Categories: Family, Motherhood

But I Know I Will Forget

“I gave you a sparkle!” she said with a squeal as she touched me and ran past on to her next adventure. Her touch gave me an electric shock and her words to describe what she experienced have hung with me ever since. I hope they never leave me. This phrase is just one of many I try to cling to, hoping I never forget.

But I know I will forget.

There will be more phrases, more squeals, more adventures and I will grab on to the next ones as I let go of the old ones without even realizing time is moving forward.

I will, however, let go.

Just like I did your 6 month booties, your swaddle blankets and your baby crib. The precious wild words that you say will soon be replaced with sentences that make sense and are accurate. The wonder and awe of a child’s vocabulary will soon dissolve as growth and time take root and their language becomes more advanced.

I love watching you grow, and I hate saying goodbye, all of which happens side by side, over and over again as the years pass.

Hello to the new you, goodbye to the old you. It’s like we continue to meet for the first time.

You’re always changing and it’s exciting and new. It is also mournful as we part ways with the you of the past, the phrases that we’ve grown to love.

The phrases you’ve said that are like old worn rugs. We trade those in for new ones and we wipe our shoes on them until suddenly, without warning, the rug is gone and a new one stands in its place. You never know when will be the last time until you look back and realize you must have already experienced it without knowing that’s what it was.

The last “hold me”, the last “can I sit on your lap?”, the last “can you read it one more time?”

Watching your child grow up is like seeing the changing of the guards, over and over and over again. Some days I welcome the changes while other days I go down fighting for them to stay the same.

I will definitely miss the day when I don’t hear “I gave you a sparkle” again.

Categories: Emotions, Family

Coronavirus Decision Fatigue

It may not be an actual diagnosis, but Coronavirus Decision Fatigue feels like a real thing our family is experiencing. As we continue to live in a world that’s battling a pandemic, I highly suspect in the coming weeks we will have far more decisions that will need to be made, leading to a whole new level of fatigue.

I know for us, in the very beginning we had to decide things like:

How do we feel about this virus? Is this something we need to be concerned about?

Others are starting to buy essential items, should we be doing that as well?

What’s up with all the toilet paper buying – and can you pick some up when you’re next out?

Should we wear masks or is that overreacting?

Do we want the kids to continue going to their activities or stay home?

Should you be working from home or still going into the office?

Then as things began to unfold rapidly, some of the decisions became easier (or even mandated) and there were a few weeks in there where the lines were clearer, the decisions were less. We got into a new rhythm. Every situation didn’t feel AS tiring mentally because the weeks started to look the same.

We knew the kids weren’t going to any of their activities because they were canceled. We wore masks everywhere because it was necessary. Work required us to stay home. We maintained distance away from basically anything and everyone.

A lot of the decisions were made for us and there were several weeks where we didn’t face many new decisions, just figuring out how to live in the new, temporary normal.

But now as our country begins to reopen, it seems that every month will shift and change. I sense we are going to be faced with lots of new decisions.

Simple questions like, “Will we hang out with friends?” or “Should we go to that event?” are now a little more complicated to think through. We have to take into consideration what our comfort level of exposure is. How large is the group size? Will people be able to be physically spaced out enough?

We never would have batted an eye at most of these questions prior to a pandemic. They would have never been on our radar.

I also believe that we are headed into a time where everyone will have different views for how and when they plan to reintegrate into society. So every decision will require more thought and sensitivity to try and weigh out the options for how to bring people together.

For those who will land more conservatively and choose to continue laying low for the near future, they may make decisions to opt out of activities. I can see where this would be hard for them – they might feel like they’re passing up on opportunities, like they can’t participate. They may wish the activities were postponed so they didn’t miss out on them. They may feel bad for not yet being ready to be around loved ones in person.

For those who are ready to get back to normal, they may commit to doing what is available and open to them. I can see where this also might be hard for them, especially if they’re wanting to hang out and be around family and friends that aren’t yet ready to reintegrate into these plans. This may feel emotionally difficult. Or maybe they have booked future plans that are frustratingly not yet open. This may feel deflating as they need to decide what to do instead.

We are ALL going to have lots of decisions we need to make in the coming months and we will most likely land in varying places socially, physically and emotionally.

I believe Coronavirus Decision Fatigue might be something we will feel heavily in the coming weeks.

Let’s be gracious with one another and ourselves as we navigate these new waters. Let’s fight to keep in mind that we all see the world through unique and different lenses and this will impact the decisions we individually make.

If you feel exhausted with the onslaught of new factors that need to be considered with reintegrating yourself and your family, know that you’re not alone. These are unprecedented times we’re experiencing and it can definitely seem overwhelming. I know it does for me. I take comfort in knowing we’re all in this together!

Categories: Family, Homeschool

Entice Kids to Want to Read

This is for those of you who have kids that are starting to read but haven’t yet “caught the bug” for wanting to read by themselves.

For a gift for my daughter’s birthday I gave her these books, but with a catch – she could only have #1 and then has to “unlock” book #2 by fully reading book #1. Then once book #2 has been read she can unlock #3 and so on.

I noticed with our curriculum’s weekly readers she wasn’t really interested in reading them even though she’s skillfully able to. I found when I told her if she finished this week’s reader she’d unlock the next one, it really motivated her.

Reading for the sake of reading wasn’t that enticing to her, but somehow making it sound like a challenge with the prize being the next book has made her start reading on her own!

So for her birthday I figured rather than giving her all the books at once they’ll need to be unlocked to motivate her to read them – and with them being wrapped hopefully it will make them even more enticing!

So if you’re celebrating a birthday with books or just trying to get your child to read more, maybe tell them they can “unlock” the next book by reading the first one or wrap them up like presents (you could even wrap library books to make them more enticing). Good luck!

Categories: Faith, Family

They Intimately Know Our Sin

The kids ran around screaming, one dive-bombed under the table for protection, and I stood up like I had a cape on and proclaimed, “Everything’s fine! The wasp is not going to hurt you. Just hold still and let me get it!”

I got a cup and trapped the wasp against the window glass and slid a paper plate underneath, keeping the wasp contained. I opened the front door and calmly released the intruder back into the wilderness. I then proceeded to tell the kids why they don’t need to freak out, knowing they’re ok and we are totally safe. I wanted to impart a sense of well-being to them. There’s no need to panic, dear children.

We sat down again and continued building a magnatile house.

But to my dismay, something quickly flew past while buzzing.

Without even thinking I BOLTED for the kitchen while screaming. It was a total knee-jerk reaction and the collective cool I had with the first wasp totally went out the window.

So much for my attempt to pass on a sense of well-being to my kids when it comes to insects. I’m sure they sat there taking mental notes: Scream and run. Check.

It may seem silly, but over the years I really have tried to learn how to have rational reactions to insects and rodents. My husband has kindly reminded me time and time again that I am much larger than these specimens and they most likely are afraid of me, not the other way around. I am getting the hang of this concept. Me being the one in control in these circumstances, keeping perspective that these uninvited guests are not plotting to kill me. I have the upper hand.

But no matter how hard I try to maintain calm reactions when dealing with critters, occasionally I forget. And when I do you’d think there was a full-sized alligator coming after me.

How typical is this for other areas of our lives as well?

The things we wish we could change but still struggle to?

Bugs and insects are a light-hearted example, but it reminds me of heavier, harder things.

The sins we don’t want to continue passing on to our children.

The anger that I battle with. My continual impatience. All the fear, anxiety and stress I regularly mingle with. And this is just my short list.

As parents we long for our kids to be able to look to us as an example to exemplify.

I’d love it if when they looked at me they only saw amazing traits they could grab hold of and emulate.

But what happens when the traits they see are the ones I’m desperate to change? The ones I’m ashamed of? The ones I wish would stop rearing their ugly heads? The thorns I daily wage war against?

And even though sometimes it feels like it, I know I’m not alone in this because we ALL fall short of the glory of God.

Every single human has things they want to rid themselves of – actions, attitudes and behaviors they aren’t proud of.

We all have areas we would want to eradicate.

But we will never (not even for one second) be perfect this side of heaven.

No one is, or has been or will be.

No one except Jesus.

So we live in this complex tension of longing for perfection but not being able to attain it.

Desiring to be holy as He is, while knowing it won’t 100% happen until we meet him face to face.

It’s like we’re these beautiful creatures, living out our redemption, becoming more and more like Christ. While at the same time, still regularly dancing with sin but not wanting to. Giving in to temptation to live out our old selves but wishing we didn’t. Falling and failing over and over again as we walk our way home.

What comfort can we take knowing our children will definitely see our shortcomings? And may not just see them, but might even adopt these sins as their own?

What then?

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses…For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Preach. it. Paul.

Amen.

God’s power is made perfect in our weakness.

Our weaknesses, the very things we want to hide, can be yelled from the rooftop and discussed openly with our children because they ARE the exact windows our children can look through to see the power of Christ.

They may be thinking, “Jesus saved you from anger? He loves you while you battle with pride, anxiety, fear, lust, worry, etc? Wow. That’s some savior.”

Our kids will be able to tangibly see the story of redemption right in our homes.

They intimately know our sin.

Why not begin discussing our sin openly and shining a light on what we battle so that it can point to the even brighter Light that saves us from it?

Sometimes I can feel overwhelmed thinking about all the sins I might pass on to my children. But rather than run from the fact that I’m a sinner, I want to begin boasting in it.

Our sins actually illuminate Christ all the more.

It shows so clearly how great Jesus is, that he powerfully conquered death to take away the sins of the world.

Instead of feeling shame for our sin and wishing we could bury it deep, let’s bring it to light and let God show his story of redemption and forgiveness in a very real way.

Categories: Faith, Family

Saturday’s Not Enough

The past weeks I’ve been living for Saturday. Glorious Saturday. Saturday’s the day we try to go OUT. As long as weather permits, we’ve been finding somewhere outdoors to take the kids. They burn energy and we get to be among nature which actually has been very stress-relieving.

We’ve gone to several different trails. It’s been fun to see parts of our local area I didn’t even know existed. Typically Saturdays would be filled with planned activities or travel, so now that our schedule is wide open we have been able to get aquainted with the outdoors a little more.

These recent Saturday adventures have been something we’ve looked forward to. Our first trips out at the beginning of the Covid lockdown were a breath of fresh air. We all had so much fun and just getting out of the house made us all much happier.

Until this Saturday.

This Saturday did not play out at all how we hoped. I don’t know if it was because some did not sleep well on Friday night, or just the weight of being at home nonstop has been wearing on us, but it was a wild day.

We packed up all the bikes and decided to go on a rails to trails path near us. It started off so well but one by one it seemed we all lost our minds.

So. many. meltdowns.

The wheels fell off the Forney bus. Like, “came unhinged and rolled down the road 7 miles away” fell off the bus.

To the point where we packed everything up and said it was time to call it. We needed to head home.

As the packing up was in progress I had to take a timeout for myself because I knew if I stayed engaged I was about to start yelling and I didn’t want to do that. I backed away from the van and growled out, “I need a minute!”

As I was (literally) pacing around our van trying to calm myself and will myself back to the fam I felt so defeated.

Saturdays have become our saving grace.

They have been the ONE day that resets us as a family unit. The kids being outside running free, me being in nature taking it all in and releasing stress – it seemed to be our pocket of time in the week that brought what we needed to survive the next week.

As I fumed outside I was questioning, “How will I get through the next week if the rejuvenation plan for today backfired?” Not only did it not put a positive deposit in my emotional bank, it actually depleted me and was a major withdrawal. I was panicking, realizing I’ll be back to the races on Monday without having the ‘reset’ I felt we desperately needed to help us get through these times.

And in this moment, I totally sensed Jesus speaking to my heart, reminding me that HE is our daily bread. He is the one who sustains us.

Not my Saturdays.

Not the family resets I feel we so desperately need.

Not content hearts from the kids.

Not refreshing times in nature.

Those things are wonderful when they’re there, but if they don’t happen, it will not be the end of us.

He is the sustainer and the one to help us through every day. I was depending on these Saturdays being our savior, but they are not.

There’s only one who saves.

The beauty of this fact, and what brought me instant peace and a reality check (while I was still pacing outside the van) was realizing it was OK that the day fell apart. God knows what we need to be able to do what he has put before us. He will sustain us even when our days look completely opposite of what we feel we need.

I was then able to get into the car, keeping my cool (mostly) while meltdowns still ensued. But this time I didn’t feel despair. I felt like, “Ok this day took a turn we didn’t expect, but it’s not the end of the world.”

We will make it because Jesus is our daily bread, not Saturdays.

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