But I Know I Will Forget

“I gave you a sparkle!” she said with a squeal as she touched me and ran past on to her next adventure. Her touch gave me an electric shock and her words to describe what she experienced have hung with me ever since. I hope they never leave me. This phrase is just one of many I try to cling to, hoping I never forget.

But I know I will forget.

There will be more phrases, more squeals, more adventures and I will grab on to the next ones as I let go of the old ones without even realizing time is moving forward.

I will, however, let go.

Just like I did your 6 month booties, your swaddle blankets and your baby crib. The precious wild words that you say will soon be replaced with sentences that make sense and are accurate. The wonder and awe of a child’s vocabulary will soon dissolve as growth and time take root and their language becomes more advanced.

I love watching you grow, and I hate saying goodbye, all of which happens side by side, over and over again as the years pass.

Hello to the new you, goodbye to the old you. It’s like we continue to meet for the first time.

You’re always changing and it’s exciting and new. It is also mournful as we part ways with the you of the past, the phrases that we’ve grown to love.

The phrases you’ve said that are like old worn rugs. We trade those in for new ones and we wipe our shoes on them until suddenly, without warning, the rug is gone and a new one stands in its place. You never know when will be the last time until you look back and realize you must have already experienced it without knowing that’s what it was.

The last “hold me”, the last “can I sit on your lap?”, the last “can you read it one more time?”

Watching your child grow up is like seeing the changing of the guards, over and over and over again. Some days I welcome the changes while other days I go down fighting for them to stay the same.

I will definitely miss the day when I don’t hear “I gave you a sparkle” again.